Dealing With Anger

In some home improvement projects, homeowners will get angry. Sometimes we are responsible for their upset, and sometimes homeowners just get fed-up during the process and they take it out on their contractor. Home improvement projects are a lot like life. Life is full of upsets. Life doesn't always go the way people want. In this section, I'm going to address homeowner upsets and how to manage them.

When homeowners vent their frustrations at us, especially if it's over something that really isn't your fault, it's important to learn not to take it personally. You've got to separate yourself from the drama unfolding before you. Step back and say, "This homeowner is going to be emotional at times. They may even be irrational at times." You want to stay above the fray to provide a calming influence.

When you do, the "storm" or upset usually blows over in a few minutes. If you don't get emotionally involved in this upset, you'll gain points for maturity and control; and from that angle, emotional explosions, if they're properly dealt with, can be a blessing in disguise for you. Let me explain what I mean.

The Zen Approach To Handling Homeowner Upsets

When homeowners explode, they may have had a terrible day. When they come home, perhaps something was supposed to be finished. A kitchen sink was supposed to be installed, a roof was supposed to be on, or something else was supposed to happen, but when they walk in the door, they see that it didn't happen. Suddenly, all of the emotions of their day can be transferred to you. You may have been in their house for several days, or longer, and they're getting tired of it, and at this point they just unload. They walk up to you. They call you a jerk or worse, or they start with a laundry list of the things that have been bugging them and building up slowly, most of which you may not have even heard before.

The Solution

When people unload like this, and in my experience, the bigger the project, the more likely it is to happen, I want to suggest a unique response. Don't defend a thing. Don't explain what happened. Just listen. When someone is unloading like this, and you don't provide them with any resistance, in a maximum of about 10 minutes, they will just run out of steam. This is what I mean when I talk about the Zen approach to dealing with their anger. You want to let their anger just pass over you like a wave because, after that, it's gone. There are times when people need to vent, and your home improvement project may be the impetus that causes them to vent.

If you just listen, they can't keep that momentum up; and if you provide no resistance, they simply run out of steam. When they run out of a steam, they'll stop and say something like, "Look, I'm sorry. I just had a bad day. I know it wasn't your fault." If you don't counter with your own emotional defense, they will quickly feel embarrassed, and you will look great. If you've been dealing with them in a professional manner and have followed the schedule, they cannot call you incompetent. Usually, you'll end up with a heartfelt apology, and this type of outcome forms a great bond that will smooth your way in the future.

I've seen some service providers who are a little more thin-skinned. When they get unloaded on like this, they take as if "you're insulting my work," or "you're insulting me," and they get caught up in the emotion of the moment. Understand that this process is an emotional one. If you get mad, no matter what reason, if you get caught in that emotional web, both sides lose.

Let Them Off the Hook

After a brief calming down period, let them know that things like this happen, and you're not offended by it. You can tell them that getting upset during a home improvement project is not unusual. In other words, show some mercy. Let them off the hook. The Chinese would say that it lets them save face. If you feel really bold, you may even tell them that it may happen again sometime. Empathize that you know there are times when they hate you being there. They've packed up their clothes. They can't find the things they want. They get tired of the dust in the house. They're tired of not having a kitchen. It's either too hot or too cold in the house. They're tired of the stored materials. They're tired of the strangers working in their house. They've come home to their castle to get away from everything else. For the time that you've been there, their home no longer serves as their retreat. It can be a difficult process. Tell them that you understand all of that.

Be There in a Crisis

Even in the best run jobs, you can still have a crisis. Who defines a crisis? They do. A crisis can be as simple as you showing up 20 minutes late for an appointment, but usually it's something much more serious. For example, let's say that you are fixing a section of their roof, and you've removed a portion of the roofing. At the end of the day, you tied the tarp down and everybody went home. But at 2 a.m. an unexpected thunderstorm occurs. The wind picks up, the wind tears the tarp open, rain is falling, and water is pouring into the house. At that point, they don't care if you're asleep. If they call you and you've left the phone downstairs, or you've turned it off, and you don't hear the call, that's a crisis.

Above and Beyond

No matter how bad the crisis, no matter how upset homeowners are with you, you can repair your damaged relationship with a technique called bonding. The immediate result of a crisis situation is that for the homeowners all their fears suddenly seem justified. You're a rat, you're a thief, or at least you're incompetent. You've ruined their home. All of their money just went down the drain. That's what they're thinking, and that's just what you'll hear to some extent.

Let Them Vent

Once their trust in you has been broken during a crisis, repairing it is difficult unless you go about it in exactly the right way. You want to deal with a crisis in a way that works for you instead of against you in the same way you dealt with the anger situation earlier. In a crisis situation, let them vent. Offer no resistance or defense. Don't try to explain why someone messed up, and don't get emotionally involved either. Stay cool and be supportive. As they start to simmer down, remember not to defend your actions, just start providing reassurance. "I'll take care of it. I take full responsibility. I'll be here in the morning to clean things up. Everything is going to be fine."

Go a Little Overboard

Do more than take care of it. Go a little bit overboard. Apologize again for what happened, and then ask the simple question, "What will it take to make things right for you?" For example, if the temporary flood sets back finishing the kitchen a week, ask them, "Do I need to give you five dinners out?" or "Do I need to come in and cook for you?" or "Do I need to provide limo service to your favorite restaurant?" When a crisis strikes, you need to bond with these people quickly. You want to respond generously and quickly.

I know a remodeling contractor in Washington, D.C. who, when he missed a deadline, provided hard-to-get tickets to a Washington Redskins football game. The homeowner, while being upset, couldn't believe that he had those tickets in hand. When you deal with a crisis effectively, your clients are going to regain their trust quickly because of how you dealt with the crisis. You can be behind schedule, but they won't be angry because you took care of them when they needed it.

How we respond to "mistakes" is what our customers will remember. The homeowner will receive the message that you take customer service and customer satisfaction seriously. When you respond generously and quickly to this kind of complaint, you will stand out, and this kind of response will set up a talk chain. The homeowner will tell a friend, and that friend will tell another friend. This chain will end up generating so many referrals that it won't take long to figure out that a complaint is really a great opportunity to go above and beyond.

Brass Tacks

So in short, run toward crisis, not away. You don't get many opportunities to bond really tightly with your clients, and a crisis is certainly the fastest way, and in the long run the cheapest way, to do it. Whether the situation really seems like a crisis to you or not, it is to them; and if you want to be smart, treat every crisis as an opportunity, a big opportunity. When bonding is done well, it creates a phenomenal relationship. You literally become family friends. You trade holiday cards, and these same clients will provide you with a steady source of referrals for years to come.